Of Bathtubs And Things

Love and Hate Plumbing

I have a love/hate relationship with plumbing projects. On the one hand, I feel incredibly accomplished after I tackle and defeat a plumbing project  - case in point: powder room faucet, refrigerator water line.
On the other hand, it's gross in there. Moldy, smelly. Yuck.

Weeks after plumber friend Chuck fixed my main bathroom shower - it finally has hot water running through it - I have completed the bathtub/shower part of things.
Determined to complete SOMETHING, last night I changed out the bathtub drain and replaced the overflow cover so that all the bathtub and shower fixtures match. Woo hoo!
When I took off the old overflow cover, I almost threw up. Nasty black mold all in the pipe. Totally normal, Chris said when I called and asked what kind of mold needed testing. He said to pour a cup of bleach in and cover it back. Done.
Always happy to ask for advice, I text Brad to see if he had ever removed a bathtub drain and did he have any advice since I couldn't seem to get the thing out. Ten minutes later, Brad and Karen and their kids Faith and Dylan stopped by to lend a hand in person (because they are awesome).
I had "the tool" but it didn't work or I couldn't get it to. I even went to ACE and bought a full-sized ratchet set (I have a small one that is great for changing out my air condition filter). I should have also purchased a 1/2 inch extension bar and that would helped turn the tool to remove the drain. Brad just put a screwdriver through the middle and used that to turn the tool - he had the drain out in a minute. But hey, I needed a ratchet set anyway.
Next, I cleaned up the old plumber's putty around the pipe. I then coated the cleaned area with clear silicone and screwed in the new drain - with an easy foot-touch open and close. Today I'll fill the tub up and make sure it doesn't leak.


For now, it looks good anyway!

The tool! 

Rubber Duckie Friends

Healing

Living

 (Written while on a Delta flight over Tennessee on a Christmas Eve in airports and on airplanes)

The forward movement side of the grief chart my therapist gave me in August had a path that led toward Living, Healing and New Beginnings.

I took some healthy letting-go steps toward those paths recently.

1. A few weeks ago, I took off the wooden bracelet J had given me when we first started dating. Then I went on a date - that basically lasted 6 days - well with work in between. We just hung out 6 days Ina row. My heart felt free to do that.

2. I finally admitted to myself that J is not going to let me see K - he is just dangling the possibility at me and telling me she says she misses me while making excuse after excuse not to let me see her - to keep me hanging on. To keep me from burning or giving away his books and a few other items he still has at my place. With that acknowledgment, I realized that if I never see J again, I'm ok with that. In fact, I would prefer it. I wish he would leave my island.

3. This morning, I threw away the Road I.D. I wear on my running shoes  in case I pass out or get hit by a car while out running that included J's contact information. I ordered a new one while sitting in the Knoxville airport. The new one has my dad and my friend Kate's info as my people.

So Merry Christmas from an airport and let's get to 2016 please.

Shortest Day Of The Year, Happy Endings

Love All Around

Started Dec. 21

Today I have struggled to get what I need done and to make the entire day joyful. For the shortest day of the year, it has felt like many days rolled into one. An emotional roller coaster kind of day in which I often felt paralyzed or stuck. I'm just in my head too much. I have to remind myself to let go. I'm also pretty hard on myself - as I look back at the list of things I did get done, I know I would tell anyone else, way to go, you got a lot done.

I will be happy when this year is over. Don't get me wrong, I'm not wishing my life away, nor was everything about 2015 awful, but it was a year of struggling - some struggles in my own head like today - some financial, some physical and many from the heart. The struggles will and already have made me stronger. Still, I would like to move on from them in 2016.

Today's struggles - real and imagined perhaps, and of course all merely first-world problems - included an annual eval at work (it went well); laundry; packing for a much-anticipated Christmas trip to Gatlinburg; cleaning out my car stacked with everything from canned goods that need donating to dirty hockey gear and yoga mats; fighting and almost losing a battle with my duvet and its cover; checking on Mom and Dad's house; a very little bit of Christmas shopping; checking into a flight; trying to motivate to run and write.

Reading this now the next morning, my tasks were simple ones really. And yet yesterday, they seemed insurmountable. Nothing was simple. In between all that, there were the most happy, lovely words and surprises from the loveliest people in my life - Jeri, Tim, Heather, Mom, Kate (Marco Kate AND Atlanta Kate), Jess, Chris, Lisa, Christian, Mike Travis, Stephen, Angie, Courtney. Words and actions I cherish - from just the thoughtfulness of asking after me or remembering I'm heading to visit family to a post or tag on Facebook, a comment on Instagram, a book in the mail with the most amazing note and kindness, an email of encouragement. How lucky am I for such friendships, how special I feel after these words yesterday:
From Tim: Despite your need of healing recently, it is you who has helped me - as a runner, writer and friend. I'm inspired not only by your blog ... but also by your toughness and willingness to tackle things you don't know much about. You teach me courage daily. From Christian on this relationship from which I am healing - I'm including even the negative because you can't ignore the bad if you want to get to the good:

There's a long cultural history down where you are of drifters and grifters and louts. I'm not surprised you found one, nor am I surprised you fell for one because your capacity for loving is otherworldly, it seems to me. Thus what happened with that fucker is a reflection only of your good side. Hang in there.

You are an amazing human, one of the tenderest and most genuinely good people I've ever met. That comes with inherent weaknesses, no fault of yours. I will always feel love and feelings of protection toward you, and if I need to clear the debris in your vision once in a while so you can recognize yourself, it's a privilege.

And that was just yesterday. I'm not including this to brag or to even say I agree with them - I am humbled by these words and touched and hopefully appreciative of all the love and kindness that surrounds me.
So many wonderful people came into my life this year - new friends, old friends reconnected and even family - getting to know siblings better as adults. I shared my grandmother Ken Ken's (Foster but my sister Chelle was always hearing my grandmother call grandaddy Kenneth and tried to say it - the name was born) bourbon balls with friends at the marina the other day and told them her story - many new friends there who are kind and thoughtful who make me feel joyful and loved and happy. So after all this, at 10 p.m., I got out the door for a run - with a push from Tim via text, who wrote "20-minute run will improve your mood." So I laced up and got out the door. He was right - I knew all day that a run would shake everything out - I just had a hard time getting there.

When I got home, I decided I needed to do one small home improvement task - the tiniest of updates. I replaced a door stopper in a bathroom. I tried to use the tool to remove the drain in the bathtub, but I need more time and strength for that task. So door stopper exchange was good enough to make me feel I had accomplished something.

Old, ugly useless stopper

Well you know, new stopper

Accept Love, Release Fear

I'm trying I'm trying - Maybe

Another theme from yoga class. Another theme that spoke to me.
Not just romantic love, but the love from friends from whom sometimes I shy away from asking for help or letting into my head all the way. The love from family with whom I often pretend to be stronger than I am - they know better. The love for myself - I'm hard on me.
As for romance, well I took a big step forward.
I had a date - an actual for-real date. I 'm pretty proud of myself for going no matter if it leads anywhere. No one is talking expectations or the future - we're just enjoying each other's company and getting to know each other - there has been more than one date in the past week.

More later on this developing situation.

Getting There

Note: I have been trying to finish this post for days but have been hit hard by some sort of intestinal madness that has been going on for months.

Holes in Walls, Working Showers

For the first time since buying my condo in May 2014, the main shower is functional - with hot and cold running water and new fixtures.

Don't worry - I haven't been washing myself in the bathroom sink like I did my dishes for so long and am now doing again because my dishwasher is broken. I have had a functioning shower in the master bathroom.


Getting the main shower working is a big milestone toward healing my condo and being able to have it reappraised and refinanced. Not to mention being able to have guests stay who aren't forced to share a bathroom with me or brush their teeth in the half bath downstairs.

To be clear - I'm not the one who fixed the shower - it was a job for an actual plumber. It took four hours, and the hole I cut in the drywall had to be expanded - a lot.

The next job here is mine though - I have to patch this sucker. I have an 8x8 access panel to put in and I bought a piece of drywall yesterday to cover the rest. I also have a step--by-step video on Home Depot's Web site and some advice from an Ace Hardware employee.

The dishwasher - well it was installed about four months after delivery but despite that the warranty has expired. And when I say installed, I mean it's working free standing - no counters to support it. That should make it easy for the repair person who is coming Friday to inspect, fix or take with him or her. At least after the person marvels at how it could possible work like that and that there's a miter saw next to it. Ha! FML right? Nah. All will be well.

I have a home warranty policy so I'm hoping it comes through. Smart move getting that policy last spring I think.

Feeling Like A Badass

Me and My Tools

I cut through drywall today to expose the shower valve that needs replacing so I can have hot water in my guest shower - there has never been hot water in this shower.

I'm feeling like a bit of a badass even though I had to write on my to-do list today to take a shower.

That Dremel is a pretty powerful and exciting tool - to me anyway. I was nervous cutting - and the result is a bit of a crooked hole - but I did it and I feel amazing. So silly I know - people do this and don't think twice about it. It's all new to me though. So brag and jump around and smile about it I will.

I'm not going to over analyze this - I'm just going to enjoy the accomplishment! My friend and plumber Chuck is coming over tomorrow to replace the valve and help me even out the hole a bit.

Daydreaming

Never Let Your Fear Decide You Fate

I sat and stared at my Sunfish last night, daydreaming about sailing her and contemplating her needs: a new rub rail, bow handle, a good cleaning and a dolly before I can even think of putting her in the water.

Jess said at I least I can look at an overwhelming project and make a to-do-list and go forward with it. True, I can. I'm slowly getting through the lists in my home - though the lists continue to multiply.

I should make a similar list for myself before I get back into the proverbial water. In my mind, I feel like I need to at least have a fully healed heart and mostly healed and functioning condo before I really put myself out there.

My friends disagree.

On the condo perhaps rightfully so - who knows when it will be finished. It's currently in a state of decoration and cleaning by hobo. It is going to take the right person to know me and realize I don't want to  live like a vagabond or maybe I'm putting too much weight on the situation or maybe it's a good excuse for me.

"Never let your fear decide your fate." A great line from Awolnation's song Kill Your Heroes. It resonated with me Sunday morning when I was running.

Well, I met an old man
Dying on a train.
No more destination,
No more pain.
Well, he said
"One thing before I graduate
Never let your fear decide your fate."

I say ya kill your heroes and
Fly, fly, baby don't cry.
No need to worry cause
Everybody will die.

We're all the same - we all have flaws. I don't need to be perfect and neither does anything in my life to be able to open up to others and enjoy life. To love and be loved.

Now I just need to live this.

Fly, Fly.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L4MzF53je5M