Of Bathtubs And Things

Love and Hate Plumbing

I have a love/hate relationship with plumbing projects. On the one hand, I feel incredibly accomplished after I tackle and defeat a plumbing project  - case in point: powder room faucet, refrigerator water line.
On the other hand, it's gross in there. Moldy, smelly. Yuck.

Weeks after plumber friend Chuck fixed my main bathroom shower - it finally has hot water running through it - I have completed the bathtub/shower part of things.
Determined to complete SOMETHING, last night I changed out the bathtub drain and replaced the overflow cover so that all the bathtub and shower fixtures match. Woo hoo!
When I took off the old overflow cover, I almost threw up. Nasty black mold all in the pipe. Totally normal, Chris said when I called and asked what kind of mold needed testing. He said to pour a cup of bleach in and cover it back. Done.
Always happy to ask for advice, I text Brad to see if he had ever removed a bathtub drain and did he have any advice since I couldn't seem to get the thing out. Ten minutes later, Brad and Karen and their kids Faith and Dylan stopped by to lend a hand in person (because they are awesome).
I had "the tool" but it didn't work or I couldn't get it to. I even went to ACE and bought a full-sized ratchet set (I have a small one that is great for changing out my air condition filter). I should have also purchased a 1/2 inch extension bar and that would helped turn the tool to remove the drain. Brad just put a screwdriver through the middle and used that to turn the tool - he had the drain out in a minute. But hey, I needed a ratchet set anyway.
Next, I cleaned up the old plumber's putty around the pipe. I then coated the cleaned area with clear silicone and screwed in the new drain - with an easy foot-touch open and close. Today I'll fill the tub up and make sure it doesn't leak.


For now, it looks good anyway!

The tool! 

Rubber Duckie Friends

Healing

Living

 (Written while on a Delta flight over Tennessee on a Christmas Eve in airports and on airplanes)

The forward movement side of the grief chart my therapist gave me in August had a path that led toward Living, Healing and New Beginnings.

I took some healthy letting-go steps toward those paths recently.

1. A few weeks ago, I took off the wooden bracelet J had given me when we first started dating. Then I went on a date - that basically lasted 6 days - well with work in between. We just hung out 6 days Ina row. My heart felt free to do that.

2. I finally admitted to myself that J is not going to let me see K - he is just dangling the possibility at me and telling me she says she misses me while making excuse after excuse not to let me see her - to keep me hanging on. To keep me from burning or giving away his books and a few other items he still has at my place. With that acknowledgment, I realized that if I never see J again, I'm ok with that. In fact, I would prefer it. I wish he would leave my island.

3. This morning, I threw away the Road I.D. I wear on my running shoes  in case I pass out or get hit by a car while out running that included J's contact information. I ordered a new one while sitting in the Knoxville airport. The new one has my dad and my friend Kate's info as my people.

So Merry Christmas from an airport and let's get to 2016 please.

Shortest Day Of The Year, Happy Endings

Love All Around

Started Dec. 21

Today I have struggled to get what I need done and to make the entire day joyful. For the shortest day of the year, it has felt like many days rolled into one. An emotional roller coaster kind of day in which I often felt paralyzed or stuck. I'm just in my head too much. I have to remind myself to let go. I'm also pretty hard on myself - as I look back at the list of things I did get done, I know I would tell anyone else, way to go, you got a lot done.

I will be happy when this year is over. Don't get me wrong, I'm not wishing my life away, nor was everything about 2015 awful, but it was a year of struggling - some struggles in my own head like today - some financial, some physical and many from the heart. The struggles will and already have made me stronger. Still, I would like to move on from them in 2016.

Today's struggles - real and imagined perhaps, and of course all merely first-world problems - included an annual eval at work (it went well); laundry; packing for a much-anticipated Christmas trip to Gatlinburg; cleaning out my car stacked with everything from canned goods that need donating to dirty hockey gear and yoga mats; fighting and almost losing a battle with my duvet and its cover; checking on Mom and Dad's house; a very little bit of Christmas shopping; checking into a flight; trying to motivate to run and write.

Reading this now the next morning, my tasks were simple ones really. And yet yesterday, they seemed insurmountable. Nothing was simple. In between all that, there were the most happy, lovely words and surprises from the loveliest people in my life - Jeri, Tim, Heather, Mom, Kate (Marco Kate AND Atlanta Kate), Jess, Chris, Lisa, Christian, Mike Travis, Stephen, Angie, Courtney. Words and actions I cherish - from just the thoughtfulness of asking after me or remembering I'm heading to visit family to a post or tag on Facebook, a comment on Instagram, a book in the mail with the most amazing note and kindness, an email of encouragement. How lucky am I for such friendships, how special I feel after these words yesterday:
From Tim: Despite your need of healing recently, it is you who has helped me - as a runner, writer and friend. I'm inspired not only by your blog ... but also by your toughness and willingness to tackle things you don't know much about. You teach me courage daily. From Christian on this relationship from which I am healing - I'm including even the negative because you can't ignore the bad if you want to get to the good:

There's a long cultural history down where you are of drifters and grifters and louts. I'm not surprised you found one, nor am I surprised you fell for one because your capacity for loving is otherworldly, it seems to me. Thus what happened with that fucker is a reflection only of your good side. Hang in there.

You are an amazing human, one of the tenderest and most genuinely good people I've ever met. That comes with inherent weaknesses, no fault of yours. I will always feel love and feelings of protection toward you, and if I need to clear the debris in your vision once in a while so you can recognize yourself, it's a privilege.

And that was just yesterday. I'm not including this to brag or to even say I agree with them - I am humbled by these words and touched and hopefully appreciative of all the love and kindness that surrounds me.
So many wonderful people came into my life this year - new friends, old friends reconnected and even family - getting to know siblings better as adults. I shared my grandmother Ken Ken's (Foster but my sister Chelle was always hearing my grandmother call grandaddy Kenneth and tried to say it - the name was born) bourbon balls with friends at the marina the other day and told them her story - many new friends there who are kind and thoughtful who make me feel joyful and loved and happy. So after all this, at 10 p.m., I got out the door for a run - with a push from Tim via text, who wrote "20-minute run will improve your mood." So I laced up and got out the door. He was right - I knew all day that a run would shake everything out - I just had a hard time getting there.

When I got home, I decided I needed to do one small home improvement task - the tiniest of updates. I replaced a door stopper in a bathroom. I tried to use the tool to remove the drain in the bathtub, but I need more time and strength for that task. So door stopper exchange was good enough to make me feel I had accomplished something.

Old, ugly useless stopper

Well you know, new stopper

Accept Love, Release Fear

I'm trying I'm trying - Maybe

Another theme from yoga class. Another theme that spoke to me.
Not just romantic love, but the love from friends from whom sometimes I shy away from asking for help or letting into my head all the way. The love from family with whom I often pretend to be stronger than I am - they know better. The love for myself - I'm hard on me.
As for romance, well I took a big step forward.
I had a date - an actual for-real date. I 'm pretty proud of myself for going no matter if it leads anywhere. No one is talking expectations or the future - we're just enjoying each other's company and getting to know each other - there has been more than one date in the past week.

More later on this developing situation.

Getting There

Note: I have been trying to finish this post for days but have been hit hard by some sort of intestinal madness that has been going on for months.

Holes in Walls, Working Showers

For the first time since buying my condo in May 2014, the main shower is functional - with hot and cold running water and new fixtures.

Don't worry - I haven't been washing myself in the bathroom sink like I did my dishes for so long and am now doing again because my dishwasher is broken. I have had a functioning shower in the master bathroom.


Getting the main shower working is a big milestone toward healing my condo and being able to have it reappraised and refinanced. Not to mention being able to have guests stay who aren't forced to share a bathroom with me or brush their teeth in the half bath downstairs.

To be clear - I'm not the one who fixed the shower - it was a job for an actual plumber. It took four hours, and the hole I cut in the drywall had to be expanded - a lot.

The next job here is mine though - I have to patch this sucker. I have an 8x8 access panel to put in and I bought a piece of drywall yesterday to cover the rest. I also have a step--by-step video on Home Depot's Web site and some advice from an Ace Hardware employee.

The dishwasher - well it was installed about four months after delivery but despite that the warranty has expired. And when I say installed, I mean it's working free standing - no counters to support it. That should make it easy for the repair person who is coming Friday to inspect, fix or take with him or her. At least after the person marvels at how it could possible work like that and that there's a miter saw next to it. Ha! FML right? Nah. All will be well.

I have a home warranty policy so I'm hoping it comes through. Smart move getting that policy last spring I think.

Feeling Like A Badass

Me and My Tools

I cut through drywall today to expose the shower valve that needs replacing so I can have hot water in my guest shower - there has never been hot water in this shower.

I'm feeling like a bit of a badass even though I had to write on my to-do list today to take a shower.

That Dremel is a pretty powerful and exciting tool - to me anyway. I was nervous cutting - and the result is a bit of a crooked hole - but I did it and I feel amazing. So silly I know - people do this and don't think twice about it. It's all new to me though. So brag and jump around and smile about it I will.

I'm not going to over analyze this - I'm just going to enjoy the accomplishment! My friend and plumber Chuck is coming over tomorrow to replace the valve and help me even out the hole a bit.

Daydreaming

Never Let Your Fear Decide You Fate

I sat and stared at my Sunfish last night, daydreaming about sailing her and contemplating her needs: a new rub rail, bow handle, a good cleaning and a dolly before I can even think of putting her in the water.

Jess said at I least I can look at an overwhelming project and make a to-do-list and go forward with it. True, I can. I'm slowly getting through the lists in my home - though the lists continue to multiply.

I should make a similar list for myself before I get back into the proverbial water. In my mind, I feel like I need to at least have a fully healed heart and mostly healed and functioning condo before I really put myself out there.

My friends disagree.

On the condo perhaps rightfully so - who knows when it will be finished. It's currently in a state of decoration and cleaning by hobo. It is going to take the right person to know me and realize I don't want to  live like a vagabond or maybe I'm putting too much weight on the situation or maybe it's a good excuse for me.

"Never let your fear decide your fate." A great line from Awolnation's song Kill Your Heroes. It resonated with me Sunday morning when I was running.

Well, I met an old man
Dying on a train.
No more destination,
No more pain.
Well, he said
"One thing before I graduate
Never let your fear decide your fate."

I say ya kill your heroes and
Fly, fly, baby don't cry.
No need to worry cause
Everybody will die.

We're all the same - we all have flaws. I don't need to be perfect and neither does anything in my life to be able to open up to others and enjoy life. To love and be loved.

Now I just need to live this.

Fly, Fly.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L4MzF53je5M

Weathering The Storm And Being Thankful

Pictograms, Pumpkin Muffins, Five-Pointed Star

The smell of nutmeg, cinnamon and cloves wafted around me yesterday morning, Thanksgiving, as my from-scratch pumpkin muffins baked and I tore bread to make my mom's sage dressing (stuffing).

Memories kept me company. I thought about my family, all the Thanksgivings together and all that I am thankful for now. I called my dad - he sounded good - and then talked to mom to ask a question about the dressing. I called my sister Chelle and we laughed as if we were standing next to each other. I texted and messaged with the rest of my siblings as they prepared for their own dinners.

It has been an interesting and heart-open kind of week. Heart open - that's what Debby often tells us at yoga. Lead with your heart. Your heart is open. Five-pointed star is one of my favorite poses and it's a pose that feels as open as you can get - giving and receiving love and whatever else the universe is asking for or giving out at that moment. Standing legs apart, arms reaching up to the sky and wide open, fingers spread, heart open to the world. I stopped in the middle of a run the other day and stood in five-pointed star - just because it felt so good.

Thanksgiving Day was spent cooking, going to yoga and helping prepare and serve a meal at the marina for some of the people who live in the condo complex connected to it. After, I spent some time pouring beers and laughing with the friends who stopped in to watch football. Then it was off to the Bothwells for more food, more football and friends who are family.

Another friend who is family is Elana. We met when living in New Jersey and we have had many adventures - hockey, moving, Florida fun. She was in town with her family, and on Friday we tackled my storm door project. How lucky I am to get to see her - sometimes only once a year, but she is always a joy - so is her family. I didn't get enough time with them or Elana this trip but she and I did manage a day together after work.

After an hour or so in the sun at the pool, a trip to the grocery and a rum drink - or two - Elana and I set about hanging my new storm door. I'm not sure whether it was the rum or that the instructions were meant for someone fluent in pictograms but hanging this heavy duty door took significantly longer than the 45 minutes the manufacturer claimed. It also wasn't really an "Oops proof installation" as the instructions said. Or maybe that meant you'll say oops a lot, which we did.

Elana and I were successful despite it all. We got to use my new big-girl drill with the light on it, which was incredibly helpful as it got dark and we were stuck outside because the door was hanging by two screws, which meant we couldn't get inside to turn the light on. Said drill was also the cause of small stab wound on my leg as I ran into it and the drill didn't move. It's just not really a successful project unless I injure myself in some manner right?

I learned a lot and there was no need to pay the condo's maintenance man $250 to install it for me. Perhaps I will offer to install my neighbors' doors at a discounted price. Haha

In the middle of writing this, Jess and Kate picked me up to go hot tubbing and catch up after some days apart - I am thankful for them, for their friendship, for us finding each other. It's tremendous. More friends who are family. We laughed and laughed.

I'm so thankful for family and friends - near and far. They are all supportive and give love in so many ways. It sounds cliche of course, since everyone's Facebook pages read exactly the same. I don't care - I am and I should say it more often. Friends and family are helping me quell the storm and the clouds surrounding my head and heart for many months now.

I can't even list everyone - but if you are reading this, I am thankful for you and for knowing you.

Debby read this on Thanksgiving as about 30 of us gathered on the beach for yoga practice and I agree with my open heart:

I am thankful for nights that turned into mornings
Friends that turned into family
Dreams that turned into reality
And likes that turned into love

Unstoppable

Theme Songs, Running, Friends, Funk, Coffee, Hog Nose Rays

I feel my life has a theme song that changes each day.
Some days, my theme song is obvious, other days I have to choose it and make the day fit because I want or need it to. Today, I went for a run in search of endorphins and chose to listen to a hockey locker room playlist I made in 2012 - an excellent mix if I do say so.

At first, I thought today's theme song was Wall of Voodoo's Mexican Radio:
I wish I was in Tijuana
Eating barbequed iguanaI'd take requests on the telephoneI'm on a wavelength far from homeI feel a hot wind on my shoulderI dial it in from south of the borderhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eyCEexG9xjw


Then as I ran on a damn near perfect running day - 65, sunny, humid, slight breeze - I let my mind unwind and the real theme song played in my headphones - Kat Deluna's Unstoppable:
You can talk all you want but my skin is really thickI'm the leader of a crowd and my game is really slickI'm unstoppableUnstoppableUnstoppableUnstoppable


Save your pity for tomorrowWhen I smash it like a ball in the clubOn the news, I'll be rockin' like a rockstarI'm unstoppableUnstoppableUnstoppableUnstoppable
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NW40rfp7aoQ


That's more like it or it's more like what I'm going to make it. 

Pre-run selfie. It was 57 here after all

So lucky to have this to run next to

Happy surprise along my run

A visit to the still untouched wooden sailboat

I have definitely been in a funk lately - mystery pain and sickness so I've been to a few doctors and had a few tests that show nothing  but we're still searching. My quality of life dropped off. I hadn't run in over a week and work was suffering - weekday and weekend work. And I have been whiny - ask anyone - yesterday, I was a grumpy monkey for sure.
As Nina Simone sings:
Sun in the sky you know how I feelBreeze driftin' on by you know how I feel.
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life for me yeah
ouh
And I'm feeling good
Blossom on the tree you know how I feel
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good

Birds flying high you know how I feel

River running free you know how I feel
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D5Y11hwjMNs

Some things that help with this idea of a new dawn, a new day include running, yoga, daily texts and sharing between friends - Jess, Kate, Lisa, Tim, Courtney, Dougie, Bev; daily coffee visits to chat with Oscar and get my vat of caffeine; the glorious sunshine; visiting friends Brad, Karen, Lynn and their lovely children, along with Elana - sweet, funny, positive, quirky, smart Elana with her endless energy and her wonderful new family; Jess's mom Erin - kind, thoughtful, insightful and a pistol; new friends; new acquaintances; the idea of house and sailboat projects and getting them done; power tools; flip flops; sunrises; sunsets; daytime moons; and daily surprises such as thousands of hog nose rays showing up at the marina last weekend.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6LEWFOzJUWg

Cownose Rays at Pelican Pier

Full moon rising

Pine tree pose

Flip flops and basketball season!

Ugly fish in the shrimp tank

Ready to cut through some drywall

A Rough Night

Out of the Mouths of Babes - Let Your Troubles Roll

It's midnight and I'm finally letting myself cry. I thought I was all over this crying nonsense.

Then my friend Chris and Jess's son Max innocently reminded me of how much I miss K. He misses her too - K is a year older than Max and they attend the same school but she no longer had play dates with him.

I had a super productive day at work and at home and was feeling better physically than I had in weeks. I made my bed, unpacked from two trips, did laundry, clean my bathrooms and went to the grocery. I got an estimate on fixing one of my showers and bought or found all the ingredients  to make pumpkin muffins for friends tomorrow night.

Around 7, I went to babysit 8-year-old Max and his younger sister Finley so Chris and Jess could take Jess's mom out to dinner.They are great kids - and I owe Chris and Jess big time. They have helped me pick up my sailboats, picked me up off he floor and let me work at the marina. Just yesterday, Chris picked up a storm door I had ordered that required a 45-minute drive.

The first thing Max said to me was "I got to see" K! I'm not sure Max really understands the relationship I had with K's dad - he asked me tonight if I had a boyfriend. He just knows K isn't around anymore when I visit, and I think he can sense I miss her too. 

Later, Max said "you should have come to the school event, then you could have seen" K. Tears welled up but I fought them off.

And finally, Max decided to make up a game for all of us to play. We pretended we were on a sailboat (K now lives in a sailboat) and that we had radar and were on a mission to find - who else but K. I had to keep it together and play along. But how cute and sweet of Max.

It breaks my heart that Max doesn't get to spend time with his friend and that I can't change it. And it breaks my heart because I miss her terribly.

I know some days will still be tough no matter how many great days in between. K always waives like a mad thing when she goes by the marina on a boat and sees me. 

 I have that at least. And lots of good memories.

I don't think this puts me back to square one,  but it does make me blue.

And again I'm humming "let your troubles roll by."

Successful Projects And Happy Surprises

Small Successes Can Mean Big Steps Forward 

I bought a Dremel rotary tool. 

It's a fairly inexpensive and small piece of powerful awesomeness. 

I bought the Dremel with one project in mind but believing I'll find many other uses for this varied attachment tool. Cutting, sanding, carving, engraving, grinding, sharpening, polishing - doesn't it all sound exciting? 

I only knew this tool existed because J got one for Christmas from his dad last year. He told me we could use it for many projects but the first and foremost was going to be to cut the bolts on the toilet he installed in the master bath. It never happened - my fault too. I could have picked up the Dremel and figured out how to use it and cut the bolts. 

But today was a new day, my friends. 

I bought the Dremel yesterday at Ace, spent 20 minutes figuring out how to attach one of the two cutting discs that came with the tool, and today, I cut the bolts and attached the covers.

A small success that feels huge.

Before tackling the unpacking, room cleaning or anything else tonight, I drove over to see my friend Q while she was bartending and to have a happy, beautiful-night, successful project cocktail and my favorite comfort food - a stacked potato. (Yes, I know I didn't go the whole month without drinking - I should have chosen October before people started visiting - oh well, I know I can, I just chose not to after a week but still much less often and that was my goal anyway).

Q is lovely. She's smart, funny, kind and tells it like it is. She's observant and thoughtful and intuitive. I'm lucky to call her a friend. I met her by just going into the restaurant where she works and chatting with her when I moved to Marco two years ago. Turned out she and my closest friends here - who I met later - are like family. Turned out, she feels like family.  My friend Constantine also was working, along with one of the owners, Peter, and sweet Sara. The restaurant and bar feel homey to me and it's a good place to go - even when I don't want a cocktail.

Many locals feel the same. It's nice that way. Q's best friend and "partner in crime" was there having dinner with her husband and some friends. She too is a lovely woman. She waived and ran over to me the when I sat down to show me the many bracelets she was wearing - inspired by the ones I wear, she said. She made all of her beautiful wired and mostly beaded bracelets - and they are beautiful. She said she'd make me one, and then said, no, I want to give you one of these. She proceeded to look at me and think and try to pick the right one. 

I think the beadless, silver charm was a perfect choice - and what a brilliant surprise. Another small something that feels huge.

Look Who's Still Hanging Around

And So Am I - Still Here, Still Me

Henrietta Hoots

My little burrowing owl friend has stuck around. She prowls about at night but almost everyday since she arrived, she has been outside my living room window. I hadn't seen her in a while because I was away working in Miami for a week and then working sunup to sundown on the weekends and then back to Miami for a couple of days. I worried maybe she had found a mate and started a burrow and moved on.

So when I saw Henrietta today, looking at me with those big eyes, turning her head sideways and paying attention to my movements and words to her, it made me smile, and I thought "Hey, I'm still here too."

I've hung on and I'm here and I'm going to be fine.

Look Forward If You Can

Look forward if you can, I told Tim tonight as he stressed about another home repair issue.

Advice I need to take myself.

It's just I'm struggling to see ahead of me, to dream, to imagine the future.

Is there a soul mate? Are there children?

I feel certain there are adventures and my amazing friends and my loving, supportive family but do I have a family of my own? A person who is a partner and confidant?

Lots of very close but not necessarily in the same circle friends and I have talked about commune living when we get older - I'm down with the idea - how wonderful to have all your dearest darling friends together on one street or one plot of land or even in one gigantic house.

But would that really happen? Would it be when we're 80 and not while I'm alone and growing older?

Perhaps I should just focus on the immediate future - kitchen, bathrooms, decorating what I have, learning to sail, getting out of debt - and not the rest of my life.

The problem is that the rest of my life is very nearly here.

I Need To Know Bill More

It's The People You Meet Along The Way

Bill is a tall, white-haired too thin man. A gentleman from Indiana who stops in at the marina once or twice a day when I work on the weekends. At night, he'll bring his evening glass of vodka with him. I suspect this is his ritual on weekdays too.

Bill is soft spoken but talkative and seems very kind and also more than a bit mischievous. He talks about going to his condo at Fort Myers Beach - it's spring break there all year long after all. He talks about how he has lived a bit of a wild life - after marriage and kids. 

Bill asks me how I am. And says, "more importantly, are you happy today?" I smile and say honestly that yes, I am happy on that day. And then I run off to fuel up a boat and pour Coronas for Mick and Cindy.

About 20 minutes later, I get back over to Bill and I ask, "So Bill, are YOU happy today?"
Bill has a twinkle in his eyes that shines bright even when he tears up telling me he found out Friday that his cancer is back. Bill has fought hard to beat cancer two other times. 

Bill is ready to fight again but says, "it's not fair." Chemo again, this time with a thinner, weaker body, despite his morning Ensure drinks. He almost finished one of Chris's giant burgers last weekend but he is still skin over bones.

"The doctor said I'll lose my hair this time," Bill says. He's proud of his thick white hair that neither age nor cancer has taken. This cancer is stronger and tougher to eradicate.

Bill started chemo today. I've been thinking about him all day. I don't know how old Bill is or whether he's a veteran being celebrated on this Veteran's Day. 

I need to know Bill more. I hope to get that chance. 

Obsessions

Cooking Shows And HGTV Can Be Surprisingly Inspirational

I'm obsessed with cooking and home-improvement shows.

Honestly if I could only have five TV channels HGTV, The Cooking Channel and Food Network would be three of them.

Last night as I sat in my hotel room not feeling well, I watched Chopped - a cooking competition with mystery baskets of ingredients. Surprisingly it was an episode I hadn't seen. The contestants were cooks at soup kitchens and included a Franciscan sister who started The Nun Run in Chicago and a soft-spoken but feisty retired woman who wants to make sure that all the teenagers at the LGBT shelter where she cooks are treated with love and kindness as if they were her own grandchildren.

Lovely and touching and inspiring - how often does that happen on what is essentially a game show?

I almost got sucked into this obsession again tonight. I am not well and mostly have been sleeping when not at work. Sitting in the too comfy bed surrounded by cozy clean white linens, I watched hours of Island Life and Chopped. When I looked out my window I saw this

I should try to run, I told myself for hours. Then I thought, if I put on running clothes, maybe I will go.

The purple striped running a shorts and wireless headphones were my biggest motivators. My most fun shorts. Whatever it takes, I think.

So now I'm out running in the darkness and liveliness that is downtown Miami when it's 81 degrees. - well anytime really. The water is lapping next to me and runners, walkers, dinner goers and dog walkers are all around.

I'm feeling better - even though I'm slow as molasses. Good thing I don't care. Sometimes, most often I find, it's the journey that's important.

I started my run listening to Eminem but now Jimmy Buffett and friends are singing to me via Pandora  - always happy joyful songs.

"Mother, mother ocean, I have heard you call,
Wanted to sail upon your waters
since I was three feet tall.You've seen it all, you've seen it all."
-Jimmy Buffett, A Pirate Looks At Forty

A little Zack Brown Band - Free.

"So we live in our old van
Travel all across this land
Me and you

We'll end up hand in hand
Somewhere down on the sand
Just me and you

Just as free
Free as we'll ever be"

And finally a little Bob Marley - No woman, No Cry.

"Everything's gonna be alright"

I'm starting to wonder lately if I'm choosing my music or if the universe is. 

And do these joyful tunes and words mean I'm hopeful again about love? Maybe.
I don't know who "you" is but I like the idea. And I do believe again that everything's gonna be alright.

So much so that I actually went out to dinner instead of ordering room service or takeout from the hotel I have barely left for three days.

I'm so glad I did. Delicious meal, friendly waiter who remembered me and a beautiful night to sit out on the restaurant terrace. 

On my way in and out, I enjoyed the bronze sculptures of Fernando Botero - sculptures I first saw two decades ago along the Champs Elysees in Paris just after we had studied the artist in class in Caen.
 

As I walked back to my hotel chatting with Tim of the long-lost friend ilk, the night was warm and calm and very nearly perfect. It felt like hope.

We chatted for an hour as I sat  outside the hotel leaning up against its entrance sign - a silly, cozy spot.