A Rough Night

Out of the Mouths of Babes - Let Your Troubles Roll

It's midnight and I'm finally letting myself cry. I thought I was all over this crying nonsense.

Then my friend Chris and Jess's son Max innocently reminded me of how much I miss K. He misses her too - K is a year older than Max and they attend the same school but she no longer had play dates with him.

I had a super productive day at work and at home and was feeling better physically than I had in weeks. I made my bed, unpacked from two trips, did laundry, clean my bathrooms and went to the grocery. I got an estimate on fixing one of my showers and bought or found all the ingredients  to make pumpkin muffins for friends tomorrow night.

Around 7, I went to babysit 8-year-old Max and his younger sister Finley so Chris and Jess could take Jess's mom out to dinner.They are great kids - and I owe Chris and Jess big time. They have helped me pick up my sailboats, picked me up off he floor and let me work at the marina. Just yesterday, Chris picked up a storm door I had ordered that required a 45-minute drive.

The first thing Max said to me was "I got to see" K! I'm not sure Max really understands the relationship I had with K's dad - he asked me tonight if I had a boyfriend. He just knows K isn't around anymore when I visit, and I think he can sense I miss her too. 

Later, Max said "you should have come to the school event, then you could have seen" K. Tears welled up but I fought them off.

And finally, Max decided to make up a game for all of us to play. We pretended we were on a sailboat (K now lives in a sailboat) and that we had radar and were on a mission to find - who else but K. I had to keep it together and play along. But how cute and sweet of Max.

It breaks my heart that Max doesn't get to spend time with his friend and that I can't change it. And it breaks my heart because I miss her terribly.

I know some days will still be tough no matter how many great days in between. K always waives like a mad thing when she goes by the marina on a boat and sees me. 

 I have that at least. And lots of good memories.

I don't think this puts me back to square one,  but it does make me blue.

And again I'm humming "let your troubles roll by."