Cooking Again - A Good Sign

No Sink, No Counters, No Problem

I  cooked an actual meal for myself last night for the first time in months - not pasta and jarred sauce, not cereal or hummus. A meal- oven-baked fresh snapper, roasted Brussels sprouts with paprika and apple cider vinegar, chive Polenta. It's a milestone I think, especially if I continue to be motivated to cook.

I enjoy cooking and I'm good at creating dishes or making someone else's recipe my own. Whether cooking for myself or a party of people, I want to make pretty, tasty, interesting food.

Even without a full kitchen for the past year, I was able to make healthy, delicious meals for my little family nearly every night.

J  had been a professional chef so when he cooked, it was a thing of beauty. My meals weren't the most amazing presentations but they were always interesting, colorful and delicious. K, at 8, would marvel at the things I came up with and always asked when I picked her up from school what I was making for dinner. And when she really liked something such as a full vegetarian meal of Brussels sprouts, asparagus, salad and raw corn (her favorite thing to eat), crab chowder or salad nicoise, she would ask if we could please please have it again the next night.

K is a terrific eater - she'll try most things and would always eat the fruit or veggies I brought her when I picked her up in the afternoons first before the goldfish or string cheese.

After everyone moved out, I lost interest in most things and stopped cooking - often climbing into bed having eaten a few crackers or a piece of cheese during the day. I hadn't been eating much even before that - I don't eat when I'm stressed or sad. I had been very stressed for months as the relationship was falling apart, and then I was incredibly sad. I still am some days.

Last night's meal was inspired while fishing with a new friend Mark on Sunday night after working all day at the marina. I didn't catch anything but he caught two beautiful snapper that he filleted and gave to me. The meal also was inspired by beach yoga earlier in the evening - a beautiful practice on the beach where we focused on aparigraha - non attachment. We poured out the junk in our heads and hearts as the sun set and the wind whipped. I thought: junk out, now let's put something lovely in.

Unattached to my mat and covered in sand

Feeling lucky to be alive, to get to see this

Last night was a possible breakthrough - it felt like the start of something fresh and new. I still need a finished kitchen, I still need a lot more work on me and all my projects, but I'm trying to looking forward.