The Joy of Food I'll Miss

The Medical Update

I saw my functional medicine doctor Tuesday for my blood results - the basic stuff like iron, vitamins, minerals, blood cell count, etc., along with food allergy tests and tests for food sensitivities.

We'll start with the vitamins. Iron is stupid low and my iron stores are practically non-existent. Vitamin A, Vitamin D, Vitamin B12, Vitamin B6 -- all very low. So there are supplements for all this PLUS a shake I finally made myself drink today. It's a cleanse with lots of vitamins and 26g of protein. I'm supposed to drink it once a day either as a snack or meal replacement. Oscar tasted it first and we made it warm - and it was not disgusting.

Still taking cod liver oil, apple cider vinegar and pro/prebiotic.

I'll get some enzymes after the doctor gets the results of some blood work I had done Wednesday.

Now here's the good news, bad news:

I don't have leaky gut. Yay! That means those supplements should start working very soon and I should start feeling better very soon.

The not so awesome news is that I have 34 food sensitivities. I have to avoid these 34 items for at least 3 months and possibly for life.  Ok, you say, if it makes you feel better, stop whining. Gluten and wheat were two of them - no problem - I stopped eating those already as have millions of other people also have. No big deal.

Now for the rest (a reminder I don't eat meat, only fish, eggs, cheese and milk - lactose free even - not anymore!). Foods in addition to gluten and wheat that must be avoided for at least three months: crab; almonds; all dairy including eggs, cheese, milk (lactose free or not); malt; brewers yeast (that includes wine. This is worth repeating - THAT MEANS WINE); honey (my only sweetener for the past year plus); bell peppers; asparagus; ginger; fig; pineapple; mango; banana; green beans; black-eyed peas; navy beans; kidney beans; and a few others I can't quite recall but have a little card to carry in my purse.

It certainly is going to make it hard to go out to eat - I'm basically a fish eater who is otherwise vegan and gluten free.

It's even hard to eat in a grocery store. B and I went to Whole Foods Wednesday night to eat at the food buffet and then shop. I ate basmati rice with green onions and a tablespoon of lentil and quinoa salad. Good thing I'm sick and have had very little appetite. When I say sick, I mean I have barely pulled my head off the pillow for days. It started with asthma - I suspect caused by a run outside during which planes dropped mosquito killing poison on me and the island.

 I told Jess that I'm reluctantly enthusiastic about the new food plan. An oxymoron I'm sure, but I'm all in, following the "Wellness Plan" - that doesn't mean I like it or that I don't already miss cheese and wine and bell peppers and eating out. I do. And I'll likely keep whining about it but I'll keep following the plan.

Keep you posted - and there's a heart and home update in the works.

The Shortest Post

New Duvet and a Win

Duvet arrived and it's happy and a new start! 

 

And here's a $12 chair I added from the consignment shop behind my house. It's a good, comfy reading chair sitting beneath Afghan art. 

 

And winning? First win - the lawsuit. Now to get repaid will be more difficult. But let's start with that triumph.

Second win - despite not feeling at all comfortable in my skin lately and not feeling well in general, I forced myself to stick to the commitment I made for a charity sports event - stand up paddle board poker run  for the Special Olympics. I did this even though friends I thought were also participating never signed up and made travel plans for the weekend - my fault for not following up after the initial mention and "yes, let's do it" responses. 

I did this despite knowing I would be in a swimsuit all day. I did this despite wondering whether my lungs and gut would cooperate. 

I had trouble at first - and found friends working safety for the event on a boat and got on - transferring the paddle board to their niece for a bit. After some water and some rest in the shade, I climbed  back on the board and l finished the event - mostly seated - but so did a lot of people. 5 miles on a paddle board is a long way and a long day.

I did it AND branched out and made new friends and ran into some lovely people I already knew. It was a good day. 

 

Condo Anniversary

Looking Back and Looking Ahead

Three years ago this week I closed on my condo. I own it - kind of - the bank owns it in my name right? It seemed appropriate I was driving home from more than a week in Miami for work on my condo anniversary.

"It's come a long way," B said as we clinked wine glasses. He asked if I was happy to be home - ABSOLUTELY! Though B and I had a lovely time in Miami when I was there over the weekend. We drove to Islamorada in The Keys for something different. We swam in the fancy hotel pool, went for long walks and took a boat ride in the rain on a warm day.

I like home. 

As much as still needs doing, my home really has been transformed. I mean seriously - I had friends come to stay when I had a dishwasher (working by the way) sitting in the middle of the unfinished kitchen. I was using my powder room as my kitchen counter top and sink. Amber and Josh can attest to this. We made due and they didn't care - they were here to see me, not my kitchen. They could see the vision. Probably they saw right through lmfh too.

Or perhaps like most of my close friends, they thought I saw something they didn't. They saw me with Kaia and Largo and knew I was good with them and they were good with me. Why do I keep mentioning them? I'm over him - I promise - been way over him for a long time.

I miss Kaia and Largo - though I guess I have to be over those two sweet souls too. They affected me though. We're days away from Kaia's birthday. And I still have a damn hole in my duvet that Largo caused. Makes me laugh. It's time for a new duvet.

I ordered one months ago that is on back order. Figures. It was supposed to arrive this week - THAT would have been perfect. I called Urban Outfitters today and was told it was set to arrive to the company June 2 and then will be sent out to me by June 4. Eye roll. But maybe - just maybe - the court case will be finished by then. And then maybe that's better timing for this symbolic change.

I almost feel like I should burn it but that might require some sort of anger I don't have anymore - well I do have it over the lies and the money he still owes me. I think replacing the duvet and perhaps burning a hat I think I still have of his will be good for me. Or I just throw them without feeling into the garbage - like I did a harmonica a few weeks ago after I came across it in a drawer.

People might say - get over it. Kind of like - if you think you're healthy, you will be. Mind over matter - when you have chronic illnesses that you are TRYING to resolve. I AM over it - over him, not quite over how I got into the mess and definitely not over the money I am owed. I have been having bad dreams lately - a lot of them. I think it has to do with the looming court date.

Hoping this will be the last one. 

I slept the best I have in weeks last night. No dreams - just sleep. 

Maybe this will be the first step to less stress and getting healthy. I just want to be healthy and boring - boring in that I run everyday, play hockey a couple of times a week and go to the beach and do all the boring things like cleaning my house and running errands with ease. Boring. Normal. 

B asked me if I felt that stress played a big role in my illnesses coming about. Absolutely. 

No stress with him - as I've said - he is lovely and wonderful and patient. 

Yay for that. 

More to come.

Healthy is a Feeling

(Written Wednesday, May 10, on a hotel notepad while enjoying a beautiful view).

To borrow from my yoga studio's post: Health is not a look; it's a feeling.

After a recent blog post, more than couple of people told me I should stop worrying about how I look and just be happy. For me - the two often are inseparable. When I'm feeling healthy, I can do all the things that make me look healthy inside and out. There's a glow that comes from the inside - from endorphins and joy and feeling right with the world. And there are the physical changes that come from being active.

So what I'm saying is I don't feel well or healthy. I won't repeat the myriad of ailments and symptoms I have previously discussed (whined about). But I will tell you about the hope I have after meeting with the functional medicine doctor I mentioned.

I like her - Dr. T I'll call her. She's my age, talks a mile a minute and seems to know her stuff.

She didn't start our first appointment with "so what's going on? Why are you here?" Instead, she had read and studied the questionnaire that took an hour and a half to complete. She had come up with a hypothesis about my health but had a few blanks to fill and some blood work to check (that's on hold until I return from a work trip).

Dr. T also took recent tests and studied those instead of making me repeat them - no need to add to the health-care bill - thank goodness!

After writing down the long list of meds I take each day - for asthma, for allergies, for SIBO - and perusing some nutrient levels, Dr. T. said: well no wonder you are complaining of weight gain!" She said the drug cocktail alone could cause me to pack on pounds but deficiencies in vitamins A, D, B12, B6, iron and protein have sent my body into panic mode - holding on to everything it can. Fight or Flight and my body is fighting.

But why? More to be determined there but basically my body likely isn't absorbing the nutrients I give it. Determining if it can absorb any at all is the next step when I return from Miami.

Meantime, Dr. T has me doing a few things to help me feel better: She wants me to wean off of the acide reflux medicine - you have to wean off these things or your body freaks out and over produces acid. It's miserable - I know firsthand how hard it is to get off the purple pill. A tablespoon of apple cider vinegar - Bragg's only - before I eat a meal will help to level out the acid and ensure that only good acid is being produced. Also licorice tablets in between meals instead of Xantac or  Tums if there are issues.

Cod liver oil is another addition with Vitamin A, D and some omega-3 fatty acids. This one is tough if only mentally. The name! But just once a day (admittedly I never got around to it yesterday - I was focused on a bad tummy) and lemon flavored. It just feels weird going down (yes, Victoria, Ty, Duane, Tiff - I KNOW what you are thinking!)

After Dr. T determines how deep the SIBO goes - as in can I absorb any nutrients or do we need to fix the leak first and then add in supplements - she wants to put me on vitamins B12, B6, Iron and pre- and probiotics.

I'm hopeful - a lot more so than I have been in at least a year. I'm also pretty annoyed at doctors who ignored or didn't see low-iron, protein and vitamin levels. Looks like my iron has been low for at leat a year. Seriously - I could have been feeling better?! Well, maybe not if I couldn't absorb anything then - but still! I actually found out my iron was low - despite feeling not so hot and this explains my fatigue - because I tried to give blood 3 times in the past 6 months but each time was turned away for low iron.

So I hope to get my life back - and I hope that on a day I spent an hour in the ladies room at work yesterday morning and then slept for hours after work - hardly able to open my eyes - like I had a flu - you know that feeling right? I had planned to go for a run and to a museum. I haven't made plans with two dear friends who live in Miami for fear I'll have to cancel.

I'm not asking to run marathons again - though I would like to - I'm just asking for most of my life back - not necessarily the extreme parts.

I made it upstairs and outside to write this and enjoy the view, a glass of wine and free hotel hour snacks (i.e. dinner). But then had to head back to bed. Around 8, I put my shoes on and went for a walk - determined not to let the day totally beat me.

B said today, "I give you a lot of credit for keeping up with the exercise with all this."

I told him it makes me a more decent human. :)

Free Hugs with your cocktail. I feel like that could happen anywhere - but I like it.

My blog in my chicken scratch - my view while writing

Interesting on my walk

No words

Anticipation

Eating Pizza for Breakfast and Other Disasters

Breakfast

The aftermath - giardiniera spill

So this was my morning - pizza good - my sister Heather appreciates my breakfast choices. And my Chicago friends will appreciate that I put the yummy pickled vegetable treat that is giardiniera on said pizza. 
This shortly after B and I both remembered I wasn't supposed to drink anything last night before this afternoon's functional medicine doctor appointment. Two glasses of wine with dinner and my appointment is at 3. Should be fine right?

I'm slightly anxious about today's appointment. I spent hours this week filling out my health, life, lifestyle, home-life history for this doctor I hope can help me. Everything from whether I had chicken pox (I did) to whether I have carpet in my home (I do- upstairs and I hate it.)

The doctor wants to know what I hope to get out of a relationship with her. That's quite a question. I'm hoping to get my life back. I guess that's quite an answer.

Today is an interview of sorts I guess - what do I think of her? Do I think she can help me connect the dots? And I guess she will be answering the same.

B was listing off symptoms for me last night - trying to remind me so I remember to mention everything: weight gain (highest figure ever - last and only time doctors determined a medication I was taking was causing the unstoppable increase on the scale); feet and leg edema, swelling; gray feet (thanks for the reminder Bev); cramping; constipation; abdominal pain; headaches; increased asthma exacerbations; fatigue; memory loss; foggy brain,; irritability; depression; etc.

I almost want to take him with me. I'm lucky we found each other. I hope he feels the same. I think so. :)

Yesterday evening, B and I took a walk on our lovely beach. Discussing his work projects, my doctor appointment, friends, trips this summer, my blog posts, this weekend (Kentucky Derby!), my work trip to Miami, a trip we hope to take to The Keys.

Sounds nice, doesn't it? It was.

Until Tomorrow (or maybe late today)

 

A Good Day

Hump Day

Being positive today.

I didn't get to yoga as I wanted nor did I run, but I did go for two short bike rides, had a nice walk with B after dinner, had a good, productive day at work, got my paperwork in for Friday's doctor appointment and laughed and smiled genuinely.

I also decided I need to visit some fuzzies - missing the Hadraba bunny and dogs. I used to see them a couple of times a week. This baby sloth in the news makes me want one!

My friend Allison got me calling pets fuzzies. B and I were trying to think of where we can go play with puppies and cats. There has to be a place nearby. Going to find a fuzzie to love on soon.

Also inspired today by this my local yoga studio shared:

You not believing in yourself is a tragedy. Stop that shit.

Ok.

Until tomorrow.

Almost Daily

Yay For Love and Friends

Ok, so I'm not your daily newspaper or department store email - but I'm not that far off with my promised posts.

I didn't fix anything, build anything or sail anything yesterday but I did spend a fabulous day - after work and a power outage - riding bikes with Bev, lunching and then B joined us for a  Kayak tour in our beautiful 10,000 islands.

We had, by the way, the world's most talkative and eco-shaming tour guide. It's hard to explain just how much she talked and just how far off topic she was capable of getting on what was supposed to be a 3-hour tour that turned into 4 hours, which would be fine under normal circumstances - but we all felt trapped! The woman needs an editor and a coach.

It was great to be out on the water nonetheless! And then we had a fabulous dinner at my favorite restaurant. Bev left this morning - after a much-needed visit. I miss us living close. (She really liked B, btw  - in case you were wondering).

After an hour of work and then breakfast with Bev, I spent most of the day fighting my insides - but working. After, I spent 3 hours working on paperwork for both the intermittent time-off I sometimes need for my chronic illnesses (this paperwork has to be refiled every 6 months) and paperwork for the function medicine doctor appointment on Friday. As Bev said "It's going to be worth it." Always positive - thanks Doc.

Being positive and up beat is something I'm really struggling with lately. And if you know me, you know that is just not me. For a cynical  journalist, I'm a glass-half-full, there's-something-positive-in -everyone,  the-world-is-my-oyster, Pollyanna-Glad-Game kinda girl. So this is tough for me and I hate being so self focused - dealing with my health. And I think it's hard for people who know me as me to be around me - it's not fun. I'm irritable and I hear my voice not sounding terribly pleasant - sometimes to those people I know and care about and sometimes to strangers (ugh).

My smiles are meh. I may have thrown a hanger at the closet last night when I was trying on clothes -finally ending in 1 of maybe 3 items in there that fit me. Every morning, there's the question: how do you feel? And that can change throughout the day. I could use a break from all this.

I want to be well so I can get healthy. And so I can stop thinking about myself all the time.

After all my paperwork, Sarah called. I miss Sarah and Charlie and their farm and their dogs and their cows and their laughs. I miss my room at their house, Sarah's delicious dinners by candlelight in their dining room or on the porch with spicy margaritas. I miss our long talks and late nights - and dancing.
We had such a great chat - a taste of a catch-up and some excellent laughs. xoxoxox

My insides have calmed down, I just did my nebulizer and I think I'll try a run/walk now. Of course that means dinner will be late - but I need the endorphins and to get outside.

Until tomorrow.

The One I Forgot to Post

Despite the Insides, Getting Some Stuff Done

I missed a day - I started writing in my head, but  was fighting my lungs and my tummy all day and trying to finish cleaning and straightening my condo for Bev's visit.

Thanks to B, game-changing window coverage has happened in my bedroom. A black-out shade. Sleep will be so much better on days when I don't get up in the dark for work (so weekends). i for some reason couldn't figure this thing out on my own and the shade I purchased 2 months ago has just sat up against a wall in my bedroom.

Perhaps you think this is a silly thing to blog about - but I'm telling you, it's a game changer, an accomplishment - and just a simple something that made me happy.



I also added a little outdoor table for some coziness out front. My lanai is still useless and leaky and filled with storage containers - so a little outdoor space out front is perfect. Bev and I had coffee and bowls of fruit there this morning.

Inspiration for Days

This View; These People

Day three - I'm doing it.

How's this for an inspirational view?




Sitting here at B's watching the sunset feeling inspired (and obligated) to write a few words.

Feeling much better today. Worked all day - busy busy busy in the financial news world today. Took a short run, picked up a bike from my friend Doc for my friend Bev who is visiting tomorrow. Bev is visiting from New Jersey tomorrow - yay!!!! I haven't seen Bev since October and I'm thrilled - thrilled I tell you.

She gets to meet B (they missed each other the past two trips) and maybe, maybe Ty will join us on a pirate cruise tomorrow night. It's a touristy funny hour-long booze cruise that is a hoot. Hoping Bev's vertigo and sea-sickness remain at bay.

After work, the intestinal illness weighing on me needed a nap - so I took one. Still recovering but better. Lots better.

After that, I did some cleaning this afternoon for Bev's arrival and put some new furniture outside to create a little seating area out front - since my lanai is useless. haha. B said - you like your seating areas, your cozy spaces. Yes, yes, I do. I like my home to feel welcoming to me and anyone I invite in.



So many inspirational people today. Jeri and her loveliness and her puppy! Chris Thompson - and his caring, challenging ways. Karl and his obnoxiousness. Kate - just Kate.

So tomorrow it's shade hanging, floor cleaning,  morning and then just happy fun visiting with Bev. I cannot wait.

Tonight, I'm basking in this view and going to cook a whole snapper, stuffed with some herbs and citris.

Wow, just wow. And lucky me.

 

Because I Said I Would

Here We Go - Short and Sweet

I said I would so here I am.

Not sure what I have to say. It was a rough day in my intestines. I slept about two hours last night and work 2 hours today. After that, I was mostly curled up in a ball all day. Hoping the antibiotics kick in soon. They seem to be - looking forward to feeling better for work tomorrow.

I found some happy later when my stomach calmed down and I had slept. I plotted my next project, had a good chat with Lisa and some texting with Jess. I had had dinner plans with a long-time friend - Ty - visiting nearby this week. I was glad I was able to make it  - and said a quick hello to the beach while I was in Naples.

And B got home - finally - after two weeks away. Yay! He's sitting right here - hi! He asked "did you blog today like you said you would?"

 My next projects are simple, I think. I need to hang a shade in my bedroom, replace the vanity light in my upstairs main bathroom and take the fan down in my bedroom and adjust the faulty wiring (thanks LMFH who claimed to know all about - well all).

Keep you posted...

Cheers Ty

Hello beach

One happy moment

Everything and Me - Continual Works in Progress

A Daily Ritual?

I can't believe I haven't written since Jan. 20. I think about writing here ever day but it's been a rough couple of months of mental and physical self doubt and I didn't want to bring down the room.

I will try something new after today - I'll publish daily and see where that takes us. Did I just commit to publish my blog daily? Yikes.

So here's what is on my mind now and what comes to mind as I look back 3 months - I'm going to use my phone pics to guide me:

First thought is that perhaps this blog should be called Healing Everything: A Broken Woman's Attempt to Find Well Being.

Feels like an uphill battle many days.

Battling two chronic illnesses (SIBO and asthma if you recall) has taken a heavy toll on my body, my brain and my goals. I realized last week that I am really not at all myself and haven't been in probably a year - but it's been much worse since December (Jess and Chris moving) - I think I'm depressed. Struggle to smile genuinely and while I need people, I'm having a tough time seeing people. I don't look well. I don't feel well.

People ARE helping me - I'm letting them in - mostly. I have a tendency to shut out new people and sometimes even people I'm already close to - sometimes seeming like I don't care about THEM. I do I do. Just ask. I sometimes hide if I don't feel needed or if I don't feel like I have anything to contribute to the world.

Knowing it or not, people help.  B especially. He gets the 24-7 of it all (even when he's out of town). He handles it all like a champ. And I fight not to close up or be too sensitive or question our future or question us. I try - I'm not always good about it - especially in my head.

And I have had some lovely visits with my parents, my sisters (Michelle, Heather, Summer), niece Jenny, B's fun, nice, friendly family and baby MAEVE :)  Friends Jess and Chris and their Finley and Max; Janel! I hadn't seen her in 10 years - what a delight! Kris and her ever calm, intelligent, fun, funny self;  Ty, Erin, Tiff, Booker, Brandon and Dennis in Phoenix. I needed that trip and that visit - though I thought Tiff and Erin might smack me for continually calling myself fat. It's only kind of the number on the scale - it's mostly my out of shape-ness and feeling weak and unable to do anything about it.

The constant endless cycle of asthma, SIBO, the two leg surgeries. I can't exercise consistently, am almost always bloated - my face from the endless rounds of Prednisone looks like I'm storing food for the winter; and the rest of my body ( I have gained 34 pounds in less than a year). My legs and feet continue to puff up twice their size despite the vein surgeries, and my abdomen is flabby but also bloats and distends painfully and embarrassingly. I have lost almost all my muscle strength and all the tone. Clothes don't fit and I want to hide. I feel like I'm under there somewhere.

I am a strong woman and I want to exude that mentally and physically and be useful to others - it's tough right now. I'm barely useful to myself.

That's most days. Some days - some days - my head is on straight and I ignore all that and hang out with friends and family who don't judge me - at least not aloud - and meet new people and feel good. I feel successful in my work and able to be useful to family and friends. I like those days.

Dealing with this, my career, basic life calamities ($1,400 in car repairs, tax extension because I'm still waiting on former partner to get paperwork to me, the lawsuit against LMFH,  the dream of kitchen countertops, HOA dues, HOA special assessment, doctors' appointments, insurance paperwork) is stressful. I know someone else always has it worse. So much worse. I think of my friend Kim - whose 10-year-old son is fighting an awful battle - I cannot and would not compare. This is just my life at the moment. And mine is going to be OK - I'm still sure of that.

So what am I doing about this aside from whining? I have an appointment next week with a Functional Medicine doctor - using both Western and Eastern medicines, these doctors look at the whole body. I am convinced that all of my issues are related and there has to be a way out. Well, maybe not the asthma (fueled the past three months by red tide and smoke from nearby wildfires) but at least we can get it under better control by dealing with the other issues, I hope. My pulmonologist thinks these are likely related too.

This week, I'm finishing the latest 3 weeks of Prednisone and am on an antibiotic for SIBO symptoms, which always flair up during the steroids. I have been feeling better and managed to run last night - I say run - it IS the first time in months I actually logged something as a run - I won't be too hard on myself as to how slow it was. And I ran in the dark where no one but me could see the belly. I also made it to my happy place - beach and beach yoga on Monday night. There was much grunting and failed postures and belly pain - but it was oh so good. I made it to restorative and gentle yoga at the local studio too. So helpful. Such lovely people.

Now - back to what this blog is about. What have I accomplished?

According to my iPhone, the best of the last 3 months included rum, hanging closet curtains in the guest room, putting my Sunfish (no I haven't sailed it) on my parents' jet ski lift, sunsets, some crazy hair, a stuffed cat on my head during Wildcat basketball season, a pirate boat ride with B and family, baby Maeve, a hospital gown selfie, a beach day with Q, silliness with Janel, joy with Kris, staining and hanging trim in my living room (nail gun!), making Irish whiskey cake for B for St. Patrick's Day, a boat ride with family, Phoenix, deviled eggs for Easter, a Harley ride with Dad, a visit with Lisa (we don't get together near enough), saved Internet pictures of Kate and Franco's wedding, wine and dinner at my local hangout, clouds, Oscar's birthday and a flower-laden, polka-dot overall-wearing manatee mailbox.

That sounds about right. The video my phone put together of all that gave me a genuine smile and warmed heart.

So I'll stop there on that happy note. And write again tomorrow.