Life Without Cheese

And Other Events Since July 18 (For Real This Time)

Happy Solar Eclipse Day! This is perfect for today - I'm talking about cheese and my path - perhaps my path of totality.

Moon made of cheese, Total Eclipse

Once again, it has been more than a month since I have posted. Ugh.

I have written pages and pages in my head but haven't been able to make myself sit down at the computer and type. I'll say this: pneumonia recovery is intense; pneumonia recovery with the stress of borrowing money to pay bills, meeting with attorneys to discuss lost job and severance docs and attempting to file for unemployment benefits (mostly an exercise in frustration) is painful and overwhelming.

I'm going to try to not make this a whine fest. I'm struggling with that lately. I'm letting everything get to me and feeling like a failure most days when most of my life I have been an upbeat, positive, glass half full, PollyAnna Glad kind of girl.

Since my last post, lots and lots of ups - improvement in my health. I still sleep 9-10 hours a night (this for a lifelong 5-6 hour a night sleeper sounds crazy) but I haven't been napping during the say along with that sleep. I want to most days but it's not required as it was for two months. I turned a corner about a week ago - more energy, more color in my face and the lung exerciser (you know the weird plastic contraption where you have to keep the ball between the lines while getting the plunger to rise) is much easier now and stairs no longer cause a panic.

I have run - well walk/run - 3 times this week. Two to three miles. I'm as sore as if I had run a marathon - not kidding. For my running friends, I walk downstairs sideways. At night, I am coughing more, but from what I have read, I will likely have mucus created by the pneumonia for several months. Mucus is the enemy of asthma so I'm watchful of my peak flow numbers and how my lungs are feeling. B is incredibly watchful - he is very observant of my breathing and my purple lip when it shows up and takes better care of me than I do of myself. 💓

Eating - here's the cheese part. I miss cheese. I'm pretty sure I will always miss cheese. Dr. Trudy says I will likely not be able to have it again - at least not without consequences. I don't think I will get over not having cheese. I likely will get over having wheat and gluten - though I Do miss sandwiches and beer. As of Aug. 13, I made it two months on the elimination diet and ultra supplements including my daily shake (sometimes twice a day). I was supposed to only have one month left before the great adding back experiment began but Dr. Trudy thinks because of the pneumonia-steroids-antibiotic gut set back, I should add another month before I start the experiment. The experiment involves eating three servings of a banned food in one day and waiting 72 hours for any effects. You might remember I have 34 banned foods. If each food only takes the three days (in that it doesn't make me so sick I need more time to get over it), that's 102 days.

There are worse things and I feel better. My gut feels better. My brain feels better. My body is on the mend. I imagine I would be feeling pretty tremendous by now had I not gotten pneumonia.

Other happenings

My other sailboat is dead. My wooden sailboat - named Sloopy but I had another name chosen. I won't share it because I never put her in the water and conducted the name changing ceremony. I had to destroy her and throw her away. I went to move the boat from one storage spot to another and she had rotted out. My friend Karl and I figured out how to keep her local by chopping her up and dropping her at the local recycling center. That was July 19.

Since then, I have seen some beautiful sunsets; taken a couple of boat rides; had a couple of meltdowns - over feeling like a failure, questioning my existence, upset I still have barrel belly; made some fun food, watched a lot of HGTV and FOOD; discovered a decently yummy but weird vegan gluten free mac and cheese; had some very nice chats, texts, prezzies, coffee visits, boat visits and words of encouragement from lovely friends; packed and unpacked from my missed trips; celebrated B's birthday; and found more restaurants and kind chefs to put up with all my eating restrictions.

I have figured out a new path or a new path to begin the path of totality - more on that later. I'm excited and nervous. It's not traditional. I can keep getting well and do it. I might need a part-time job for a bit to go along with it. That's enough information for now. 

I made quinoa and roasted tofu stuffed poblano peppers

Those are sun dried tomatoes

From Jeri

I made edame hummus stuffed endive with seared tuna and scallions

The Heart and Home Update

An Overdue Post, Pneumonia and Finding New Paths

This post is a month overdue - since the first writing before posting, I wanted to mull it over more and show it to B since I was spewing stream of consciousness about love, life, relationships. My thoughts were about what I want, what I'm realizing I want or have always been searching for. I am hopeful the relationship I'm in is as described instead of how I seem to have worded the post - still looking. I'm not looking outside of the current state of B and K.

This post also is a month overdue because on June 22, I was fired - part of restructuring and downsizing but since I won't be called back, my profession calls this a firing. I was fired after 16 years as a financial journalist at a company at the top of the industry. Shocked doesn't do my feelings justice. I was trying to recover from an asthma exacerbation when I got the call - your job no longer exists as of this moment.

While reeling from this sudden change in my life, I contracted pneumonia, made a 4 a.m. visit to the ER on July 6 - a few hours later I was supposed to fly to Kentucky for a family reunion set around my grandaddy's 90th birthday. Obviously, I didn't get to go and have mostly been in bed since that day.


I'll miss another summer trip starting this weekend - B's family vacation in the Outer Banks. He feels comfortable enough now leaving me here this Friday but fears for me trying to travel there in a weakened state, weakened immune system (airports, planes, babies, overexertion that's sure the ensue, no hospitals nearby). My doctor today agreed. She said if I were to catch something on the plane, it would cause a real set back and possibly land me in the hospital. "You know this," she said. I do - I just don't like it and I'm bummed.

B has been a rock, as Jess put it, and I completely agree. Taking amazing care of me. I haven't driven and have barely left the house in the past 12 days. Doctors  - and my Mom who had pneumonia in December - say this is to be expected.  At least a month before I'll have any decent energy and months more before I'm 100%. My doctor today said I'm on track in my misery - chest pain, still coughing, exhausted, no appetite, toddlers can beat me walking. That's going to go on for a while, she said.

I have kept up with my new functional-medicine-directed regimen - as B says, it probably is helping a lot that I had a month in my system.

Today was a big day - I visited Oscar at Wake Up Marco, I walked the 1/4 mile home from there after B dropped me off. I slowly climbed the stairs at my home. showered. drove my car, went to the drugstore and the grocery store. Now, I'm pooped beyond believe and I suspect I'll sleep for the next two days.

So here you go - two posts in one. Below is a post I wrote in June. Lots of heart in here. Lots of head stuff going on too. New paths ahead - no idea when I will find them  (or they find me) or where they will take me. And that's OK. I'm ready - or perhaps I will be after I recover from pneumonia, after I get my already started path toward health back on track and after settle things with my old job and feel like I can move forward.

Stuff that Runs Through My Head (You've Been Warned)

Floating in the blue-green waves of the Gulf of Mexico recently, I thought about something my older sister Michelle said to me a few months ago. Chelle said she feels certain there's some purpose in life that hasn't found her yet. I have been thinking a lot about that because my sister is someone to admire.

Chelle put herself through nursing school while raising four children and working full time, as was her husband. Their four children are wonderful humans - the youngest just graduated from high school; one is in college; the oldest - my godchild - is a teacher and mother of two boys; and the fourth was in the Army and now is in the reserves, is married to his high school sweetheart and is about to be a father. Chelle is a caregiver to everyone whether at work or outside of it. She is a two-cancer survivor. She has run two marathons (one I ran with her!) And she's a grandmother (a very young one) who enjoys every second with her grandbabies.

And this amazing woman thinks she should be doing more in the world. Well that certainly makes me an utter failure. I'm divorced. I didn't do what I set out to do journalistic-ally - though I enjoy(ed) what I am doing in that realm.  I have no children. I don't even have a pet.  I have no one committed to share my life with, no one who is committed to creating and walking a path with and me with him. No one who I have committed to love and adore and who has committed to love and adore me. Michelle's and husband Jeff certainly do - oh sure they bicker and disagree sometimes but seriously you should see them together. There is zero doubt. I haven't finished my condo. My finances remain a mess. I haven't learned to sail. I let a con artist break my heart and take my money. Yep - I have failed in comparison for sure.

I have always tried not to compare myself with others but to just be myself. It's just - reflecting on my life now, at this point, I'm wondering where it leads. So many people look at my social media and say - oh Kyle, you sure live the life.

I have managed to move somewhere that many would be envious of - there are many TV shows dedicated to just that. But would they trade their current location filled with family and friends for the vacation location and for the hope of being healthy? They might if it were with the their true love and partner. I did it alone. To be fair, I see my family more since I moved to Florida than I did living in North Carolina or New Jersey. I of course wish we lived closer but that's not where life and work took me.  I miss my amazing friends in New Jersey (especially my hockey girls) and North Carolina and Kentucky and Ohio (that one is you Jeri).

I have made wonderful friends here - though we don't see each other often. I'm not part of that sense of community - but maybe that takes time. I don't go to or have dinner parties, pool parties, weekly get-togethers. Part of that, I think, is that our community is made up mostly of families and baby boomers. In NJ, I hung out with all my close friends' families. Perhaps I just need to live here longer to make those closer relationships.

I always thought I would be building a life WITH someone. I'm very independent - and yet I want a my friends partner too. I guess I'm needy too  - see all my health issues and all the support B has given me. Couldn't have gotten through without him. And he certainly shows me everyday that he cares deeply about me. But aside from that, I need someone to love and be loved by. I need someone to hold hands with. I need someone to plan with, look to the future with, travel with, have intelligent conversations with and snuggle with, comfort and be comforted by.

Doesn't everyone want this?

Doesn't everyone want to shout from the rooftops - I'm with this person. I love him and he loves me?!

Does it matter where you live as long as you are together? Do you find the perfect place together?

I'm a romantic. Yes, you can be independent, strong, feminist (that just means equal, people) and athletic and still be a romantic. My favorite movies are love stories: "Breakfast at Tiffany's," "Sharade,"Sweet Home Alabama," "Sabrina," "The Quiet Man," "The Bishop's Wife," "To Catch a Thief," "An Affair to Remember," "The Notebook," "Gone With the Wind," "The Princess Bride," "Casablanca," and many more.

I want that.

**I can totally see how I wrote this - a little sad, a little what if. I think that's ok. I don't doubt B or us. I also don't doubt future heartbreak is possible. That is the chance I'm - we're - taking. It's part of the journey.

SAILING!!!!

"Watch Your Head"

My friend Karl kept yelling  "watch your head" as I headed out on my maiden voyage in my Sunfish.

You read that right - I finally sailed!

Karl, who use to sail with his dad,  helped me rig it, put the mast up and launch her. We had to bend the rudder holder on the transom so the rudder would fit and off I went. I'm sure the rudder holder has an actual name but I don't know it.

I went back and forth in the bay where my parents live, getting a feel for the wind when I had any, using the rudder, ducking under the boom and switching side of the boat (without tumping it even!) All the while Karl laughing at me, telling me I sounded like a little kid in my excitement and yelling at me to watch my head.

I saw a momma and her baby manatee right by the dock and out in the middle of the bay, tarpon the size of my Sunfish rolling at the top of the water.

I loved it! I knew I would.

I have a lot to learn and getting out in the river or the gulf is a ways off, but I'm excited about sailing. I have to buy all new lines and maybe put a seal on the bottom of my boat - it has sat for a long time unused - the two years I've owned it and years before sitting in its previous owner's yard.
Now my question is - do you name a Sunfish or is it just your sunfish? 

P.S. This food elimination situation is a real pain. Just in case you thought I was over it. Haha

The Joy of Food I'll Miss

The Medical Update

I saw my functional medicine doctor Tuesday for my blood results - the basic stuff like iron, vitamins, minerals, blood cell count, etc., along with food allergy tests and tests for food sensitivities.

We'll start with the vitamins. Iron is stupid low and my iron stores are practically non-existent. Vitamin A, Vitamin D, Vitamin B12, Vitamin B6 -- all very low. So there are supplements for all this PLUS a shake I finally made myself drink today. It's a cleanse with lots of vitamins and 26g of protein. I'm supposed to drink it once a day either as a snack or meal replacement. Oscar tasted it first and we made it warm - and it was not disgusting.

Still taking cod liver oil, apple cider vinegar and pro/prebiotic.

I'll get some enzymes after the doctor gets the results of some blood work I had done Wednesday.

Now here's the good news, bad news:

I don't have leaky gut. Yay! That means those supplements should start working very soon and I should start feeling better very soon.

The not so awesome news is that I have 34 food sensitivities. I have to avoid these 34 items for at least 3 months and possibly for life.  Ok, you say, if it makes you feel better, stop whining. Gluten and wheat were two of them - no problem - I stopped eating those already as have millions of other people also have. No big deal.

Now for the rest (a reminder I don't eat meat, only fish, eggs, cheese and milk - lactose free even - not anymore!). Foods in addition to gluten and wheat that must be avoided for at least three months: crab; almonds; all dairy including eggs, cheese, milk (lactose free or not); malt; brewers yeast (that includes wine. This is worth repeating - THAT MEANS WINE); honey (my only sweetener for the past year plus); bell peppers; asparagus; ginger; fig; pineapple; mango; banana; green beans; black-eyed peas; navy beans; kidney beans; and a few others I can't quite recall but have a little card to carry in my purse.

It certainly is going to make it hard to go out to eat - I'm basically a fish eater who is otherwise vegan and gluten free.

It's even hard to eat in a grocery store. B and I went to Whole Foods Wednesday night to eat at the food buffet and then shop. I ate basmati rice with green onions and a tablespoon of lentil and quinoa salad. Good thing I'm sick and have had very little appetite. When I say sick, I mean I have barely pulled my head off the pillow for days. It started with asthma - I suspect caused by a run outside during which planes dropped mosquito killing poison on me and the island.

 I told Jess that I'm reluctantly enthusiastic about the new food plan. An oxymoron I'm sure, but I'm all in, following the "Wellness Plan" - that doesn't mean I like it or that I don't already miss cheese and wine and bell peppers and eating out. I do. And I'll likely keep whining about it but I'll keep following the plan.

Keep you posted - and there's a heart and home update in the works.

The Shortest Post

New Duvet and a Win

Duvet arrived and it's happy and a new start! 

 

And here's a $12 chair I added from the consignment shop behind my house. It's a good, comfy reading chair sitting beneath Afghan art. 

 

And winning? First win - the lawsuit. Now to get repaid will be more difficult. But let's start with that triumph.

Second win - despite not feeling at all comfortable in my skin lately and not feeling well in general, I forced myself to stick to the commitment I made for a charity sports event - stand up paddle board poker run  for the Special Olympics. I did this even though friends I thought were also participating never signed up and made travel plans for the weekend - my fault for not following up after the initial mention and "yes, let's do it" responses. 

I did this despite knowing I would be in a swimsuit all day. I did this despite wondering whether my lungs and gut would cooperate. 

I had trouble at first - and found friends working safety for the event on a boat and got on - transferring the paddle board to their niece for a bit. After some water and some rest in the shade, I climbed  back on the board and l finished the event - mostly seated - but so did a lot of people. 5 miles on a paddle board is a long way and a long day.

I did it AND branched out and made new friends and ran into some lovely people I already knew. It was a good day. 

 

Condo Anniversary

Looking Back and Looking Ahead

Three years ago this week I closed on my condo. I own it - kind of - the bank owns it in my name right? It seemed appropriate I was driving home from more than a week in Miami for work on my condo anniversary.

"It's come a long way," B said as we clinked wine glasses. He asked if I was happy to be home - ABSOLUTELY! Though B and I had a lovely time in Miami when I was there over the weekend. We drove to Islamorada in The Keys for something different. We swam in the fancy hotel pool, went for long walks and took a boat ride in the rain on a warm day.

I like home. 

As much as still needs doing, my home really has been transformed. I mean seriously - I had friends come to stay when I had a dishwasher (working by the way) sitting in the middle of the unfinished kitchen. I was using my powder room as my kitchen counter top and sink. Amber and Josh can attest to this. We made due and they didn't care - they were here to see me, not my kitchen. They could see the vision. Probably they saw right through lmfh too.

Or perhaps like most of my close friends, they thought I saw something they didn't. They saw me with Kaia and Largo and knew I was good with them and they were good with me. Why do I keep mentioning them? I'm over him - I promise - been way over him for a long time.

I miss Kaia and Largo - though I guess I have to be over those two sweet souls too. They affected me though. We're days away from Kaia's birthday. And I still have a damn hole in my duvet that Largo caused. Makes me laugh. It's time for a new duvet.

I ordered one months ago that is on back order. Figures. It was supposed to arrive this week - THAT would have been perfect. I called Urban Outfitters today and was told it was set to arrive to the company June 2 and then will be sent out to me by June 4. Eye roll. But maybe - just maybe - the court case will be finished by then. And then maybe that's better timing for this symbolic change.

I almost feel like I should burn it but that might require some sort of anger I don't have anymore - well I do have it over the lies and the money he still owes me. I think replacing the duvet and perhaps burning a hat I think I still have of his will be good for me. Or I just throw them without feeling into the garbage - like I did a harmonica a few weeks ago after I came across it in a drawer.

People might say - get over it. Kind of like - if you think you're healthy, you will be. Mind over matter - when you have chronic illnesses that you are TRYING to resolve. I AM over it - over him, not quite over how I got into the mess and definitely not over the money I am owed. I have been having bad dreams lately - a lot of them. I think it has to do with the looming court date.

Hoping this will be the last one. 

I slept the best I have in weeks last night. No dreams - just sleep. 

Maybe this will be the first step to less stress and getting healthy. I just want to be healthy and boring - boring in that I run everyday, play hockey a couple of times a week and go to the beach and do all the boring things like cleaning my house and running errands with ease. Boring. Normal. 

B asked me if I felt that stress played a big role in my illnesses coming about. Absolutely. 

No stress with him - as I've said - he is lovely and wonderful and patient. 

Yay for that. 

More to come.

Healthy is a Feeling

(Written Wednesday, May 10, on a hotel notepad while enjoying a beautiful view).

To borrow from my yoga studio's post: Health is not a look; it's a feeling.

After a recent blog post, more than couple of people told me I should stop worrying about how I look and just be happy. For me - the two often are inseparable. When I'm feeling healthy, I can do all the things that make me look healthy inside and out. There's a glow that comes from the inside - from endorphins and joy and feeling right with the world. And there are the physical changes that come from being active.

So what I'm saying is I don't feel well or healthy. I won't repeat the myriad of ailments and symptoms I have previously discussed (whined about). But I will tell you about the hope I have after meeting with the functional medicine doctor I mentioned.

I like her - Dr. T I'll call her. She's my age, talks a mile a minute and seems to know her stuff.

She didn't start our first appointment with "so what's going on? Why are you here?" Instead, she had read and studied the questionnaire that took an hour and a half to complete. She had come up with a hypothesis about my health but had a few blanks to fill and some blood work to check (that's on hold until I return from a work trip).

Dr. T also took recent tests and studied those instead of making me repeat them - no need to add to the health-care bill - thank goodness!

After writing down the long list of meds I take each day - for asthma, for allergies, for SIBO - and perusing some nutrient levels, Dr. T. said: well no wonder you are complaining of weight gain!" She said the drug cocktail alone could cause me to pack on pounds but deficiencies in vitamins A, D, B12, B6, iron and protein have sent my body into panic mode - holding on to everything it can. Fight or Flight and my body is fighting.

But why? More to be determined there but basically my body likely isn't absorbing the nutrients I give it. Determining if it can absorb any at all is the next step when I return from Miami.

Meantime, Dr. T has me doing a few things to help me feel better: She wants me to wean off of the acide reflux medicine - you have to wean off these things or your body freaks out and over produces acid. It's miserable - I know firsthand how hard it is to get off the purple pill. A tablespoon of apple cider vinegar - Bragg's only - before I eat a meal will help to level out the acid and ensure that only good acid is being produced. Also licorice tablets in between meals instead of Xantac or  Tums if there are issues.

Cod liver oil is another addition with Vitamin A, D and some omega-3 fatty acids. This one is tough if only mentally. The name! But just once a day (admittedly I never got around to it yesterday - I was focused on a bad tummy) and lemon flavored. It just feels weird going down (yes, Victoria, Ty, Duane, Tiff - I KNOW what you are thinking!)

After Dr. T determines how deep the SIBO goes - as in can I absorb any nutrients or do we need to fix the leak first and then add in supplements - she wants to put me on vitamins B12, B6, Iron and pre- and probiotics.

I'm hopeful - a lot more so than I have been in at least a year. I'm also pretty annoyed at doctors who ignored or didn't see low-iron, protein and vitamin levels. Looks like my iron has been low for at leat a year. Seriously - I could have been feeling better?! Well, maybe not if I couldn't absorb anything then - but still! I actually found out my iron was low - despite feeling not so hot and this explains my fatigue - because I tried to give blood 3 times in the past 6 months but each time was turned away for low iron.

So I hope to get my life back - and I hope that on a day I spent an hour in the ladies room at work yesterday morning and then slept for hours after work - hardly able to open my eyes - like I had a flu - you know that feeling right? I had planned to go for a run and to a museum. I haven't made plans with two dear friends who live in Miami for fear I'll have to cancel.

I'm not asking to run marathons again - though I would like to - I'm just asking for most of my life back - not necessarily the extreme parts.

I made it upstairs and outside to write this and enjoy the view, a glass of wine and free hotel hour snacks (i.e. dinner). But then had to head back to bed. Around 8, I put my shoes on and went for a walk - determined not to let the day totally beat me.

B said today, "I give you a lot of credit for keeping up with the exercise with all this."

I told him it makes me a more decent human. :)

Free Hugs with your cocktail. I feel like that could happen anywhere - but I like it.

My blog in my chicken scratch - my view while writing

Interesting on my walk

No words

Anticipation

Eating Pizza for Breakfast and Other Disasters

Breakfast

The aftermath - giardiniera spill

So this was my morning - pizza good - my sister Heather appreciates my breakfast choices. And my Chicago friends will appreciate that I put the yummy pickled vegetable treat that is giardiniera on said pizza. 
This shortly after B and I both remembered I wasn't supposed to drink anything last night before this afternoon's functional medicine doctor appointment. Two glasses of wine with dinner and my appointment is at 3. Should be fine right?

I'm slightly anxious about today's appointment. I spent hours this week filling out my health, life, lifestyle, home-life history for this doctor I hope can help me. Everything from whether I had chicken pox (I did) to whether I have carpet in my home (I do- upstairs and I hate it.)

The doctor wants to know what I hope to get out of a relationship with her. That's quite a question. I'm hoping to get my life back. I guess that's quite an answer.

Today is an interview of sorts I guess - what do I think of her? Do I think she can help me connect the dots? And I guess she will be answering the same.

B was listing off symptoms for me last night - trying to remind me so I remember to mention everything: weight gain (highest figure ever - last and only time doctors determined a medication I was taking was causing the unstoppable increase on the scale); feet and leg edema, swelling; gray feet (thanks for the reminder Bev); cramping; constipation; abdominal pain; headaches; increased asthma exacerbations; fatigue; memory loss; foggy brain,; irritability; depression; etc.

I almost want to take him with me. I'm lucky we found each other. I hope he feels the same. I think so. :)

Yesterday evening, B and I took a walk on our lovely beach. Discussing his work projects, my doctor appointment, friends, trips this summer, my blog posts, this weekend (Kentucky Derby!), my work trip to Miami, a trip we hope to take to The Keys.

Sounds nice, doesn't it? It was.

Until Tomorrow (or maybe late today)

 

A Good Day

Hump Day

Being positive today.

I didn't get to yoga as I wanted nor did I run, but I did go for two short bike rides, had a nice walk with B after dinner, had a good, productive day at work, got my paperwork in for Friday's doctor appointment and laughed and smiled genuinely.

I also decided I need to visit some fuzzies - missing the Hadraba bunny and dogs. I used to see them a couple of times a week. This baby sloth in the news makes me want one!

My friend Allison got me calling pets fuzzies. B and I were trying to think of where we can go play with puppies and cats. There has to be a place nearby. Going to find a fuzzie to love on soon.

Also inspired today by this my local yoga studio shared:

You not believing in yourself is a tragedy. Stop that shit.

Ok.

Until tomorrow.

Almost Daily

Yay For Love and Friends

Ok, so I'm not your daily newspaper or department store email - but I'm not that far off with my promised posts.

I didn't fix anything, build anything or sail anything yesterday but I did spend a fabulous day - after work and a power outage - riding bikes with Bev, lunching and then B joined us for a  Kayak tour in our beautiful 10,000 islands.

We had, by the way, the world's most talkative and eco-shaming tour guide. It's hard to explain just how much she talked and just how far off topic she was capable of getting on what was supposed to be a 3-hour tour that turned into 4 hours, which would be fine under normal circumstances - but we all felt trapped! The woman needs an editor and a coach.

It was great to be out on the water nonetheless! And then we had a fabulous dinner at my favorite restaurant. Bev left this morning - after a much-needed visit. I miss us living close. (She really liked B, btw  - in case you were wondering).

After an hour of work and then breakfast with Bev, I spent most of the day fighting my insides - but working. After, I spent 3 hours working on paperwork for both the intermittent time-off I sometimes need for my chronic illnesses (this paperwork has to be refiled every 6 months) and paperwork for the function medicine doctor appointment on Friday. As Bev said "It's going to be worth it." Always positive - thanks Doc.

Being positive and up beat is something I'm really struggling with lately. And if you know me, you know that is just not me. For a cynical  journalist, I'm a glass-half-full, there's-something-positive-in -everyone,  the-world-is-my-oyster, Pollyanna-Glad-Game kinda girl. So this is tough for me and I hate being so self focused - dealing with my health. And I think it's hard for people who know me as me to be around me - it's not fun. I'm irritable and I hear my voice not sounding terribly pleasant - sometimes to those people I know and care about and sometimes to strangers (ugh).

My smiles are meh. I may have thrown a hanger at the closet last night when I was trying on clothes -finally ending in 1 of maybe 3 items in there that fit me. Every morning, there's the question: how do you feel? And that can change throughout the day. I could use a break from all this.

I want to be well so I can get healthy. And so I can stop thinking about myself all the time.

After all my paperwork, Sarah called. I miss Sarah and Charlie and their farm and their dogs and their cows and their laughs. I miss my room at their house, Sarah's delicious dinners by candlelight in their dining room or on the porch with spicy margaritas. I miss our long talks and late nights - and dancing.
We had such a great chat - a taste of a catch-up and some excellent laughs. xoxoxox

My insides have calmed down, I just did my nebulizer and I think I'll try a run/walk now. Of course that means dinner will be late - but I need the endorphins and to get outside.

Until tomorrow.

The One I Forgot to Post

Despite the Insides, Getting Some Stuff Done

I missed a day - I started writing in my head, but  was fighting my lungs and my tummy all day and trying to finish cleaning and straightening my condo for Bev's visit.

Thanks to B, game-changing window coverage has happened in my bedroom. A black-out shade. Sleep will be so much better on days when I don't get up in the dark for work (so weekends). i for some reason couldn't figure this thing out on my own and the shade I purchased 2 months ago has just sat up against a wall in my bedroom.

Perhaps you think this is a silly thing to blog about - but I'm telling you, it's a game changer, an accomplishment - and just a simple something that made me happy.



I also added a little outdoor table for some coziness out front. My lanai is still useless and leaky and filled with storage containers - so a little outdoor space out front is perfect. Bev and I had coffee and bowls of fruit there this morning.

Inspiration for Days

This View; These People

Day three - I'm doing it.

How's this for an inspirational view?




Sitting here at B's watching the sunset feeling inspired (and obligated) to write a few words.

Feeling much better today. Worked all day - busy busy busy in the financial news world today. Took a short run, picked up a bike from my friend Doc for my friend Bev who is visiting tomorrow. Bev is visiting from New Jersey tomorrow - yay!!!! I haven't seen Bev since October and I'm thrilled - thrilled I tell you.

She gets to meet B (they missed each other the past two trips) and maybe, maybe Ty will join us on a pirate cruise tomorrow night. It's a touristy funny hour-long booze cruise that is a hoot. Hoping Bev's vertigo and sea-sickness remain at bay.

After work, the intestinal illness weighing on me needed a nap - so I took one. Still recovering but better. Lots better.

After that, I did some cleaning this afternoon for Bev's arrival and put some new furniture outside to create a little seating area out front - since my lanai is useless. haha. B said - you like your seating areas, your cozy spaces. Yes, yes, I do. I like my home to feel welcoming to me and anyone I invite in.



So many inspirational people today. Jeri and her loveliness and her puppy! Chris Thompson - and his caring, challenging ways. Karl and his obnoxiousness. Kate - just Kate.

So tomorrow it's shade hanging, floor cleaning,  morning and then just happy fun visiting with Bev. I cannot wait.

Tonight, I'm basking in this view and going to cook a whole snapper, stuffed with some herbs and citris.

Wow, just wow. And lucky me.